i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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