i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
