so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
