If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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