mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
