and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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