you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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