their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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