my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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