I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
