I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
