She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
