Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
