Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
