So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
