Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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