It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
