M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
