wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
