Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
