the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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