i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
