you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
