people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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