stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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