I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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