She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
