my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
