I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
