haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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