I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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