be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
