were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
