for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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