you guys were way drunker than both of me
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize