I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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