Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
