she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
