its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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