someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
