if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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