trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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