There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
