She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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