What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
