i was born a porn star she said
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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