I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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