Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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