I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
