I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
