every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
