we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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