the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
