So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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