A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
