You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
