tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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