my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
