call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
