dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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