Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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