Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
