i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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