wrigley field is MILF paradise
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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