it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
