apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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