redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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