my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Also, beer. Big fan.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
