party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
