I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Houston, we have a squirter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
being pregnant is like rehab
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
