hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Randomize
