Betty ford says i'm here all night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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