apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
