Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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