she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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