He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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