Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
