I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize