sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
