1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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