after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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