It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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