it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
