I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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