you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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