Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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