That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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